Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
