i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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