my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
