I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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