There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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