ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
