This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
