I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
