I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
