I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
