I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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