hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
