haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
