All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
