I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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