she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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