I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
