You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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