Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
