$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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