I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
