dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
