i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
