took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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