I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
