Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We left an ass print on the piano.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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