I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
