I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
