I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
