Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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