Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
