Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he just fucked me for my cheese.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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