so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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