overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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