Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
