yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
