i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
