I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
as a side note pls kill me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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