Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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