dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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