i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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