I think my fart just growled at me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
