whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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