Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
