Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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