meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
