Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
