dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
