Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
