Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
