It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
