An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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