What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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