I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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